Associate Justice of the Supreme Court Ruth Bader Ginsberg surprised friends and family by extinguishing all 114 candles atop her Baskin-Robins cookie cake Wednesday night. The surprising feat lasted nearly 45 minutes and served as the grand finale of her CrossFit themed birthday party. Justice Ginsberg told The Politic she lit one candle for every year she intends on living. After blowing out the last candle, Justice Ginsberg immediately did 10 pushups, 15 jumping jacks, and wrote three Supreme Court decisions in under 20 minutes.
This dazzling display was greeted with intense applause from guests. “I didn’t think she would make it past 80,” one partygoer told The Politic, referring both to the number of candles Ginsburg could blow out and the age at which she would die. Paramedics stood by in case of emergency.
Admission to the Associate Justice’s 84th birthday was highly sought after, with lines wrapping around the block of her private residence. The star-studded guest list included a swimsuit-clad Barack Obama, the ghost of rap icon Biggie Smalls, and a pink hat from January’s Women’s March. “Being invited to the Justice’s birthday has been one of the greatest honors of my life,” a life-sized poster of Rosie the Riveter told The Politic as it stood in line awaiting entry.
Others, however, weren’t so enthusiastic about joining in the festivities. Jealous about not making it onto the VIP list, President Donald Trump took to twitter at 4:12 a.m. in a fit of rage. “What does a guy have to do to get invited to a Jew’s house? It’s about time @NotoriousRBG died already. Old!” Among the guests turned away at the door was Justice Merrick Garland of the D.C. Appellate Court, who was spotted sitting outside in the rain. “I had a ticket, but they wouldn’t let me in,” he told reporters.
In honor of Ginsberg’s 84th birthday party, local activist and Starbucks barista Rebecca Rogers started the #114CandlesCampaign, a political movement to extend Ginsberg’s life for another 30 years. “We’re looking into several different methods of keeping Justice Ginsberg on the bench for another generation,” Rogers told The Politic. “We’re beginning research into organ transplants and cryogenic freezing techniques, and have already reached out to SNL actress Kate McKinnon to serve as a doppelgänger.”
In other news, Antonin Scalia is still dead.