If you woke up feeling kind of upset it is most likely because Hillary Clinton went on The Ellen DeGeneres Show last week and tried to do the “Whip” (and also the “Nae Nae,” but more on that later). The presidential hopeful donned a blue pantsuit and attempted the popular dance after a brief lesson with DJ Stephen “Twitch” Boss. The best part of this might be that if you haven’t watched the video you honestly don’t need to because it is exactly what you are imagining:
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Let’s get down to brass tacks here: Hillary’s Whip is not that bad. Which is to say that, sure, she won’t be starring alongside Channing Tatum in the 2016 version of Step Up, but her effort is on par with that of any of your mothers. Her Nae Nae, on the other hand, is the stuff of nightmares. Seriously, re-watch the video looking only at Clinton’s left hand (i.e., her non-dominant, non-Nae Nae hand) and let me know how you sleep. If I’m Martin O’Malley, I’m not hesitating to reroute all of my campaign contributions into having this clip played ad nauseum for everyone with eyes and winning the Democratic bid by KO. If someone had polled American citizens before this happened and asked, “What would you least like to watch Hillary Clinton do?” I’m sure that “the Whip” would be right up there with “figure skating” and “freestyle rap battle.” Ellen’s Whip isn’t great either but when you voiced Dory in Finding Nemo and can actually pull off the pantsuit, America is more forgiving.
I feel a little bad for Hilly because her intentions are good and she went on Ellen thinking surely only good things can happen to people on Ellen. Her smile in the vid appears to be one of “Yes I’m a politician but I can laugh at myself” good humor, but if you look closer it is also one of utter brokenness. It is the smile of a little kid who ran after the ice cream truck only to watch it slowly run over the childhood dog because she left the door open when she came outside. And so while a nation is saddened by the atrocity of your dancing, this writer, for one, is sorry that you couldn’t get your Creamsicle, Ms. Clinton. And sorrier still that you’re finding out the hard way that emails can be deleted but videos of you doing the Whip are forever.